I don’t know who is getting notified of what, or where, or what planet things are happening on anymore, so here is the link to my first post on the new site, in case you are interested!
Another Update After All
The process of transferring from this domain to sadie-hall.com is proving tricky.
I know how to “do” the things, although the export/import part is causing problems.
But I’m not sure what to do on the new site:
- Update all my old posts so that they “fit” the new site?
- Trash them and start from scratch?
I don’t like either option.
It feels weird to go back and “edit the journey.” Inauthentic.
But if I don’t, then I’d have all these Blushy Ginger branded posts on my new site, where I think I’m going to be doing things a bit differently.
It’s hard to explain without going into painstaking detail.
So, long story short, I’ve removed the redirect from this blog to the new site.
Which means that blushyginger.com is fully active. I think I’ll keep updating this one as I get to know the new site.
Hopefully, with time and familiarity, the solution will present itself.
In the meantime, I want to be able to blog!!!
I can’t think of any other option that doesn’t make my head explode.
That’s the mini update for now.
I’ll still be checking comments and stuff on here!
Also can I just say that trying to switch between two different WordPress accounts is infuriating?
Hope you’re doing well today xoxo
Sadie
Talking About Overcoming Social Anxiety and Perfectionism on the Smart Habits for Translators Podcast
I’m thrilled to be able to share this with you. A couple of weeks ago, I recorded an interview for the Smart Habits for Translators podcast. We talked about social anxiety, perfectionism, freelancing, and more.
This was a BIG DEAL for me. I don’t have a vision board, but if I did, “be a guest on a podcast” would have been on there. There’s something empowering and exhilarating about doing the things that social anxiety always told me I couldn’t do.
I’m including links below if you want to have a listen! The context of the discussion is freelance translation, but I think it could be relatable for any type of freelancer or creative entrepreneur.
HUGE THANK-YOU to the hosts, Veronika Demichelis and Madalena Sánchez Zampaulo. And a warm, grateful thank-you to Corinne McKay for connecting us.
Links:
- Apple Podcasts: Episode 22: Smart Habits for Managing Social Anxiety and Perfectionism with Sadie Hall
- Spotify: Episode 22: Smart Habits for Managing Social Anxiety and Perfectionism with Sadie Hall
I think it’s also available on a variety of other podcasting platforms as well!
If you end up having a listen, I’d love to hear your thoughts! 🙂
Anxiety Mama Series #1: Our Journeys Through Anxiety with Marijke Visser
I went live on Instagram for the first time! My friend Marijke (@girlmom.strong) and I chatted for an hour about how anxiety has impacted our lives and influenced our motherhood.
Some things we talked about:
- Anxiety levels at the beginning and end of the Live
- What anxiety looks like for us
- How anxiety impacts our parenting
- Tips for someone experiencing anxiety
- Favourite books on mental health or motherhood
- Questions from viewers
This video is now available on IGTV for anyone who might be interested! (Or you can scroll down!)
I can’t bring myself to re-watch it yet.
We’re talking about making this a monthly series, like Anxiety Mama Monthly or something. 🙂
- The feature photo for this post includes part of the promo graphic created by Marijke.
Blast From The Past: I Used To Blog About Freelance Translation and Editing
So, this isn’t something I’ve talked about much on here, but when I’m not blushing gingerly or being a wife and mom, I do freelance translation and editing.
Before the kids were born, this was my full-time job. Over time, it moved to part-time, and the flexibility to be able to do this is exactly why I chose freelancing.
Since lockdown started, I have hit pause and I’m not taking on work (with one possible exception upcoming). It’ll continue like this for the summer since school is over now. I know this is a privilege not all families have, and I’m grateful that we have the option to have one of us pause work.
Aaaanyway, this is all a long preface to say that, years ago, I wrote a blog on being a freelance translator and editor. And this post that I’m reblogging is from the blog. (Unfortunately, I am not able to get back into the site as an admin. I tried but it says the blog is deleted… which it clearly isn’t.)
I had a bit of a worlds colliding moment (to quote my friend Liz) this week when someone approached me about possibly discussing translation and anxiety.
And it made me realize that I have never really talked about how severely my freelancing growth has been affected by social anxiety.
So I wanted to share this post. I’m contemplating whether or not this is a topic worth spending some time on going forward. Social anxiety as an entrepreneur must surely affect lots of people, right?
Here’s the post! I hope you enjoy. 🙂 It feels like revisiting a past life, for me.
Sadie
I’m a little ashamed to admit that I have been unfairly interpreting my cat’s refusal to spend time with me as targeted rejection on a very personal level. He’s a recent rescue cat, you see, and very timid. He spends most of his day behind the washer, and hisses when he’s afraid (which is always).
This weekend, I had an Aha! moment that has already helped me not take my cat’s behaviour to heart—and I think it’s a lesson that can help us freelancers deal with rejection from prospective clients as well.
My moment of clarity occurred thanks to an excellent event this past Saturday called “Building Your Freelance Business: A One-Day Seminar for Writers and Editors.” For me, one of the quotes of the day came from Diane Davy (Work in Culture) during her presentation “Running Your Business Better.” I’m paraphrasing a little from memory, but…
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Social Anxiety in the Bedroom #2: 15 Shockingly Honest Thoughts
Content warning: If you are related to me and/or a client and/or a former employer and/or a little squeamish about hearing details of my brain on sex, you may want to skip this one. (Obviously you’re welcome to read on if you’re cool with this topic.) The previous post is not about sex, and it’s here: Social Anxiety Is Standing In My Way Today. No worries, no pressure. xoxo
People are sometimes surprised when I say my social anxiety doesn’t “go away” when I’m with my husband.⠀
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And I totally get where the surprise is coming from, but the reality is that social anxiety is present even when I’m by myself.⠀
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Because my mind is always with me.⠀
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Social anxiety is a disorder. It’s not the same as shyness, which can fade with familiarity with someone. ⠀
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I definitely don’t experience social anxiety symptoms as intensely with my husband. But they’re still there. They’re always there. ⠀
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And I know from chatting with others that it can be hard for a non-anxious partner to understand just how ever-present the disorder is. ⠀
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Especially when it comes to sex.⠀
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And I can empathize with that, too. If I’m getting naked with this other human, shouldn’t that mean I’m fairly comfortable with myself in this situation? ⠀
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Yeah. No. Social anxiety laughs at that naive hope. ⠀
Today, I’m sharing a very incomplete list of anxious thoughts I’ve had in the bedroom. I hope it’s relatable and helpful and makes you feel less alone.
15 Socially Anxious Thoughts I Have During Sex
- Exactly how clean am I right now? When’s the last time I peed/showered/used a baby wipe
- What’s the last thing I ate? Should I brush my teeth, or will that be *too* fresh?⠀⠀
- Why am I wearing my [insert geeky graphic tee] again? (He has legit said, “Is it a Foxy Mama kinda night or a Snaxolotl kinda night?”)
- Should I take charge? I don’t want to take charge.⠀⠀
- Have I gone on top yet this month? This season? (I’m not against going on top, it’s just that I’m always tired and also it’s also a very tummy-flappy position and when I’m on top, my knee pops, and that makes me feel old. I don’t want to feel old.)⠀⠀
- Oh shit, does 𝘩𝘦 think I’m old?⠀⠀
- Ow, my hip.⠀⠀
- Do I look weird from this angle?⠀⠀
- Am I boring? ⠀⠀
- Do I look old from this angle?⠀⠀
- Oh god I just saw my tummy. It looks like a waterbed. Don’t look down. Never look down.
- Am I looser since having the kids? Mental note to ask him after.⠀
- Is my climax face weird? Mental note to ask him after.⠀⠀
- Is he bored? Definitely don’t ask him right this second..
- Wow, that was an intense 10 minutes mentally. Anyway!
Parting Thoughts
These worries are real, but I’ve presented them in a lighthearted way. This is also a shortlist.
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I don’t necessarily have 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 thought above in this 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵 order 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 time we get naked. ⠀
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But… I definitely have had all these thoughts often enough to write them down. ⠀
There’s a lot more to say about the intersection of (social) anxiety and sex/sexuality.
But I think I’ll leave it here for now.
This post originally appeared as two posts on Instagram. This one and this one:
Tending Your Social Anxiety Garden
When social anxiety flares up, it’s like a wall is being placed around me. A wall of weeds, maybe. ⠀ ⠀
This is one reason that I’m not so sure social anxiety can be “cured.” ⠀
I think it can be managed, much like a gardener manages the growth of unwanted weeds in her flower beds. ⠀ ⠀
But if she stops pruning and tending, the flower beds become overgrown, and she has a lot of work ahead of her. ⠀ ⠀
That’s how I see social anxiety, or my experience of social anxiety. ⠀
If I’m not constantly pushing myself to stay engaged with other humans, the fear returns. ⠀ ⠀
It’s tiring. ⠀ ⠀
And it’s sad, because I think there might be something of a social butterfly trapped inside this social anxiety chrysalis.⠀ ⠀
𝘞𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘹𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘦. (𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘵𝘰𝘰.) ⠀ ⠀
Social anxiety is not *who I am.* I am not social anxiety. ⠀ ⠀
I’m the gardener. ⠀ ⠀
Social anxiety is the overgrowth. ⠀ ⠀
But the past few days, I have been struggling to even pick up the pruning shears. ⠀ ⠀
I just wanted to let you know, because I know I haven’t replied to you the way I normally do.
But I’m here, and I see you, and I appreciate you. ⠀ ⠀
And if you’re in the midst of a flare-up too, my gentle words of advice would be to remember that social anxiety is not who you are. ⠀ ⠀
𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫. ⠀ ⠀
(𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘺.)⠀ ⠀
Recovery Is Not About “Getting Over Your Issues”
I used to think that if I could just “get over my issues,” I would be happy.
𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫” 𝐦𝐲𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦. ⠀ ⠀
Plus, my interpretation of 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘦𝘴 looked like stuffing them down inside and ploughing ahead, hiding my limping mental health. ⠀
I say 𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 because if I had *actually* been limping physically, I would have stopped to rest and assess. ⠀ ⠀
Not so with mental health. ⠀
Today, I no longer think it’s 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳/𝘰𝘳. It’s not “either you have issues, 𝐨𝐫 you are happy.” It’s not “either you get over your issues, 𝐨𝐫 you remain unhappy.”⠀ ⠀
The two are not mutually exclusive, nor does one guarantee the other.⠀
Overcoming 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳/𝘰𝘳, 𝘢𝘭𝘭-𝘰𝘳-𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 is an ongoing part of the recovery process, for me. ⠀ ⠀
Thanks for reading. xoxo⠀ ⠀
P.S. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨-𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘐 want 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘐’𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺.
I’d like to share a post by fellow mental health blogger Megan, because she has echoed a lot of what I’m experiencing from an anxiety perspective: Mental Health Monday: 7 Tips for Having Hard Conversations About Race When You’re White and Have Anxiety
I will end with this thought, which is imperfect, but my understanding of everything that’s going on is just as imperfect and constantly evolving:
Social Anxiety in the Bedroom #1: The Struggle Is Real
Content warning: …sex. Obviously. (Not too graphic though.)
If I had to break down socially anxious sex into 4 overly simplistic, tongue-in-cheek steps, it might look like this:
Step 1:
Start with all the typical fears related to social anxiety.
To name just a few:
Being judged by others in social situations
Being embarrassed or humiliated — and showing it by blushing, sweating, or shaking
Accidentally offending someone
Being the center of attention
Source: WebMD
Step 2:
Hold on tight to those fears as you remove all your clothing.
You are now naked.
Proceed to step 3.
Step 3:
Continue to hold on tight to those fears as you turn to other human or humans in room.
Note that they, too, are naked.
And looking at you.
Step 4:
Prepare to interact with other human(s) in the most intimate way imaginable.
Now.
Right now.
Congratulations!
You are now ready to have socially anxious sex.
But Seriously Though
It’s not your fault if anxiety is creating challenges for you related to intimacy or sex.
You didn’t choose to have anxiety in the bedroom any more than you chose to have it outside the bedroom.
Anxiety doesn’t END at the bedroom door
(I keep saying bedroom but feel free to replace this with your sexy location of choice.)
Anxiety is hard enough to manage during non-sexy times, and it affects an individual’s whole life.
So it only makes sense that these challenges would carry over into the bedroom. You’re still the same person there, after all.
Anxiety can be a mood killer
It can be physically difficult, if not impossible, to relax enough to enjoy the moment. (No relaxy, no climaxy.)
Medication can be a factor
SSRI and SNRI medications can cause sexual side effects.
This can be infuriating, embarrassing, and discouraging. (There are ways to mitigate this effect depending on the medication. For example, for me, adding Wellbutrin [buproprion] offset the anorgasmia caused by SNRI and SSRI medication. Talk to your doc.)
Anxiety is pretty common here anyway
Sex can be nerve-wracking even without an anxiety disorder in the mix.
It can be fun but scary, exhilarating but finicky, restorative but messy. (So messy.)
Moral of the story: We’re all imperfect
Please don’t be too hard on your imperfect self for being imperfect in the bedroom, too.
Anxiety disorder or not, WE ARE *ALL* IMPERFECT IN THE BEDROOM.
AND DON’T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU BELIEVE OTHERWISE.
xoxo
P.S. Why I Wrote This Post
The impact of social anxiety on sexuality is a legitimate issue that I would love to see discussed in a candid and relatable way.
The tone I aimed for here is lighthearted and hopefully a little funny.
This isn’t “the” definitive post on socially anxious sex.
I’m just hoping to open the door to more conversation and thought.
And even if there’s no public talk, maybe someone out there will feel a little less alone and a little more understood. xoxo
Thinking Back To My Shy Teens
There have been times when I’ve thought back on my teens and 20s, and wondered:
Did my debilitating shyness and untreated social anxiety come across as me being unfriendly or thinking I was too good to make friends?
In high school, I was an anxious overachiever.
- I always aimed for A+ and panicked if it didn’t happen (or seemed like it might not happen).
- I memorized every detail I could before a test (but was too fretful to ever pause to digest the information).
- I became editor-in-chief of the high school yearbook because I NEEDED TO MATTER.
Beneath the surface, hidden from even my own insight and self-awareness, I was riddled with anxiety, perfectionism, and rock-bottom self-esteem.
Years later, a former classmate made an offhand comment that I don’t remember verbatim, but it came down to “you were too good to hang out with us.”
My teenage self would have been mortified to hear this.
That shy, lost, neurotic 16-year-old who wanted nothing more than to stop feeling like she only mattered if she was perfect.
There is so much I would go back and tell that girl. So much pain and burden I would try to take off her shoulders.
I had no idea how I came across back then. All I wanted to know was, “Am I okay yet? Am I good enough now? Is this right?”
I’m 34 now
- I still don’t have a good sense of how I come across to others.
- I wonder if my “extra-ness” and nerdiness and perfectionism come across as stuck-up or goody-two-shoes.
- I wonder if my empathy and vulnerability and people-pleasing nature peg me as an underdog, a sort of homely but hopeless puppy.
- I wonder if my social anxiety and shyness make me seem flakey and cold and uninvested.
These worries are becoming easier to manage as I grow and heal.
Most of the time, they are background music that I can consciously tune out. The music takes over only in my hurting moments.
But I’ve come a long way. I’ve learned that imperfect is way more relatable.
And that it’s better to be the flawed, friendly person at the party than the aloof cool kid that everyone is afraid to approach. (Not that I was “cool” anyway.)
Is This a realistic goal?
I want to get to a solid place of not needing to care either way.
I want my sense of self and self-esteem to be so unshakable that I just do my thing, appearances and perceptions be damned.
But I’m prepared to accept that I still have a lot to learn about all this.
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